Monday, May 08, 2006

My lettuces, other people's shrubbery

I planted my own lettuces this weekend, but I just don't have anything clever or insightful to say about them. They are in the two window boxes outside my room, and there are six of them, and I love them, but while this is terrifically exciting for me I am self-aware enough to know that it is very unlikely that anyone else will think that lettuces are even mildly interesting. But there they are. I think they are becoming like a pet replacement, as this morning they all got a 'Good Morning!' and a few little strokes while I remarked on their states of perkiness and gave them a bit of water. I might name them, once they have been around long enough to have sugested their personalities to me.

If you want to read about something funny and interesting (not lettuces), do trot over to Lisa at www.talesoftheundetected.blogspot.com, and check out her recent spa-menu explorations. The questions foremost in my mind: Are Hollywood starlets actually hairless? Why? Is this because of the continuing pressure to be (very!) young? Isn't there a biological reason for pubic hair? What happens if you ignore biology, become like a hairless cat, and affix rhinestones to your bits? What would be the general reaction of a man to a bald, rhinestoned pubis? Would he realise right away that he had just gone to bed with the most high-maintenance woman in the universe, or would reality wait to kick in until after she had beat him over the head with her LV bag for bringing her lilies, not irises, on their 4th date? How can the Brazilian AND the Hollywood be the most popular waxes?

5 Comments:

Blogger Lucky Duck said...

A classic blog title if ever there was one.

You raise a number of interesting questions - especially that one about both the Hollywood and the Brazilian being the most popular. I must take this up with them whence next I visit.

I had a rather unfortunate moment at work today when I was recounting my experience. I had just hit full swing in my 'I find the whole hairless thing kinda amusing and disturbing (a bit like the bald cat in Austin Powers)' when one of my colleagues informed us she gets a 'Hollywood' every 3 weeks.

Trying to make things better I said 'Oh yeah, I'm talking about it being really weird when people decide to decorate it with jewels', to which she replied: 'Well it was my boyfriend's 30th birthday last week so I had them do 30 candles in pink and blue diamontes as a surprise.'

For the duration of lunch, I was trying to work out how they possibly crammed 30 candles on there.

7:19 PM  
Blogger TooBlue said...

Ok, DehDeh, now this is MUCH more amusing than you dragging people into the cold spring air b/c you think you're still in SoCal. Anyway, if you want good-tasting lettuce, you're going to have to cull them before you get around to the naming stage. Sad but true. On the depilating of bits & pieces, I guess it cuts down on friction? As we all know, friction + bits & pieces = pain. Also, for the male of the species, it's supposed to make said bits & pieces look bigger. Supposedly. Not big enough, I'd wager, to stick 30 odd bits of shiny birthday plastic on, though. That, while priceless, is TOTALLY beyond the pale. LD, props for not choking on whatever your lunch was.

2:44 AM  
Blogger dev said...

1) Its okay-- I didn't plant them from seed-- I cheated and planted them from a pony pack, so unless some of them go belly up (one is suffering slightly from flaccidity/wind at the moment) there shouldn't be any culling necessary.
2) THIRTY CANDLES!? Is she a very, very big woman, or did the candles go nearly up to her belly button? I assume the sparkling decor would normally be placed in the area where some amount of pubes would be on any NORMAL person, but I just can't imagine. I also don't think I can imagine anything that would be a greater waste of time and money (or scratchier). And she gets waxed every three weeks? She is either Sasquatch (which might explain the space) or is so concerned with reverting to being 11 years old that she maybe ought to be institutionalised.

8:55 AM  
Blogger TooBlue said...

Cull as in eat, dear. I assume these are not decorative lettuces? If, however, you're growing deocative lettuces, a minute step away from the horror of decorative cabbage, I will have to take you out of my will.

8:21 PM  
Blogger dev said...

Ah. Decorative cabbages. I also have duck figurines in the kitchen and gingham curtains.
No, I was wise, and knew that if I had to grow something I wouldn't find myself able to yank it out of the ground and eat it, so I bought salad leaf lettuces, and the way you harvest their goodness is by just cutting off as many leaves as you will need for that particular salad, and then giving the plant a bit of time to grow new. I won't be salading for an army, but it should be enough for the two of us.

9:06 PM  

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